would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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