You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
