Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
