Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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