I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I looked at my own cervix.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
