Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
