i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
