How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
