Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
