And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's even glitter on my cock...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
