I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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