mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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