dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
