she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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