someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
