i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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