its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
