I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
