My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
