so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
