Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
