the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
