I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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