you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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