He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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