This is not my ceiling
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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