i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
