Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
