There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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