I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize