i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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