I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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