I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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