6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
