At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
