so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
