Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
