i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
