last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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