Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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