i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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