hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
