Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize