Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
