you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
