I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
