You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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