I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
