just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
