There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize