She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
