He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
