sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
