In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
