We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
