ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
