Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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