Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
