do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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