I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize