good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
