Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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