We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
