We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
