I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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