I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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