dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
where are you?
Hypothermia
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
