Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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