he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize