After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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