Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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