I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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