How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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