My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
farters have to be the big spoon...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
