come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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