i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
