I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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