I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
