In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
