i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
