Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize