***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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