If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
