thus making me awesome and them whores
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
