Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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