Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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