i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
