How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
