Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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