Where did you get a picture of my penis
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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