Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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